Braco Pobric 0:00
Welcome to business and happiness podcast. I'm your host, Braco Pobric. This episode is sponsored by Life Success Academy, a place where you recreate your business and personal happiness. My guest today is Carolyn King, business owner, positive psychology muster coach and kinesiologist. Hello, how are you?
Carolyn King 0:26
I'm well Braco. How are you? I'm doing great. So good to see you. I know, it's what time is it in?
Braco Pobric 0:33
You're in Australia, right?
Carolyn King 0:36
Ten to eight in the morning. How about you, you're in New York.
Braco Pobric 0:39
I'm in New York, New Jersey. So it's 5.59 5.49, which is, you know, it's like my end of the day. So hopefully, I'll have enough energy for us to talk about this important subject. Which is, you know, it's really, it's really, people are going through really difficult time. I learned from you that you know, Australia, you guys now have a curfew. You can't even go out except to get for essentials. And it's really, really hard. And I was thinking maybe we can chat about, how can we help people? Please give a couple of ideas to help them navigate through this, you know, navigate optimistically as we kind of talked about earlier, to this COVID COVID-19 time. What do you think?
Carolyn King 1:23
I think that's a really im portant topic to discuss. I mean, I'm in Melbourne, and we've had over 200 days of lockdown here in Melbourne over the last couple days. We've just headed into another one. And I know speaking to a lot of people . A lot of people have been hit hard by these lockdowns. And to help people become a little bit more optimistic to navigate through these I think is really beneficial. I think we all need it. And I think we all need a boost.
Braco Pobric 1:49
We all need bost. We all need bost . So but you know, the only thing is if you think about optimism. We do know based on research that some people have a more optimistic genes than others, right? But when I say I just happen to be one of those, you're my mom was so optimistic. And I've been really lucky that I have more optimistic geens. But I also worked really hard to build it. I really did consciously. Picked up a tools years ago and just, you know, keep working on it. What do you think of that? Because people will say, I'm just not optimistic. My parents were not optimistic. Just don't ask me to be optimistic.
Carolyn King 2:24
Look, I believe that you can change anything in your brain, you know, neuroplasticity shows us we can change it. I know, as someone that used to be depressed, and it was only nine years ago that I was suffering from depression, that we can change. And I am a fairly optimistic person now. Prior to the depression, even I was depressed, I may have still been optimistic, but I now I was sitting in a darker place. So I truly believe it is something we can change through using the tools through practice, that we can change the way we look at the world and become more optimistic. So I think anyone can at least improve their optimistic levels.
Braco Pobric 3:00
There's tons of research that proves that. We have so many colleagues that prove that. You are the real, real real life, you know, example, that you can prove it. I'm not because you know, I was I was wasn't as optimistic. I thinl. And, you know, when we talk about optimism, I also want to say that, you know, I like to call it grounded optimism. It's based on something that happened before. So you can't just say everything will be fine. That's what I used to say to my wife don't worry, it will be fun. She's like, it want. And then I didn't know what to say. Right. But now I say everything we find because and I look at the similar situation. And it goes back and say, you know, remember, 10 years ago, it was something similar. And then we took actions, we did this, this and that. We were able to solve the problem. So but COVID, of course, none of us went to call it in our lifetime.
Carolyn King 3:55
No one's ever gone through a pandemic like this. That Yeah, and I think that's the difficult pneus of for most people to be able to see their way out of this. When we don't all we hear is there's going to be new COVID normal, what does COVID normal mean? How is that different to my normal, my pre COVID normal, and then there's all these terms that get thrown around. And I think that's the trouble that we none of us have gone through this before. There have been other viruses out there that have that they thought were going to be big but but died out pretty, pretty fast. And there was a swine flu A few years ago, that that really didn't affect Well, no, it didn't affect me in Australia. So yeah, I would agree this is probably the biggest thing that we've all had to face as a planet globally, everyone is impacted with COVID. But I guess the optimism then comes in that, you know, as a as a human race and as people we can navigate through things we can always we always come out the other end.
Braco Pobric 4:51
And that's the way that we actually build resiliency. It's the bed time that helps us build It's not a good time when everything is good. You don't need to be resilient. Right? You know, you're practicing resiliency tools, when the bad things happen and they do doesn't have to be called it things happen in life. We all going through good, bad and ugly. One of us, right if we if we practice it, while it's not that bad, it will help us to better but what do you think would be let's cover like couple of things. What do you think would be one of the things that's really important for folks to know,
Carolyn King 5:29
I think one of the biggest things is social support and social contact. I know with COVID and lockdowns, a lot of us are limited in who we can actually connect with. So we're stuck. And I say stuck, because it can feel like you're stuck with the people you're living with. They can get like that a little bit over, you know, all consuming, but it's really, if you live alone, I think it's even more difficult. If you have someone in the house, hopefully, you get along with those people because that can be difficult in its own right. So it's really making sure you feel supported by your friends and family. And this is the one blessing I think we do have in our day and age is that we can connect with people via zoom by a phone via WhatsApp. There's so many different mediums where we can pick up the phone or if we want to see someone the Sunday video options these days. So it's really that social support. What do you think brats are
Braco Pobric 6:19
100% agree, I think, you know, for some people, here's what I'm thinking, like you said, people will live alone, it's really the most difficult. I know, I have two sisters who live alone. And you know, at least thing I tried to do is to call them everyday because it's really really difficult. People who live with someone with a partner, and didn't have a great relationship before COVID they're probably going through rough time, right. And hopefully, hopefully, this taught them a lesson to basically created better relations, people who worked in their relationships before, honestly, I think had a great time. I mean, my wife and I were on all this time, we actually locked himself totally in the house. We didn't go shopping yet and half out, everything was delivered. I know it's crazy. But you know, my wife has certain conditions that you know, she gets this would be really bad. And I was worried didn't want to bring it. So. So I think that home relationships are very, very important. But there's a lot more out there. And as you said, you know, in the past was like, okay, maybe just a phone call. But now, you know, my son actually said, you do see your grandson now more than you saw him before COVID. Because he calls me every day on FaceTime. Now, I do see what used to be every couple of weeks. So he really, really, really need to use the technology. And for some people listening that don't really know how you need to go. And get that social support to help them right use t echnology. So this way, because it's really important. It's not, we can't get together in person. But as you said, there's so many other ways that we can and shood and need to
Carolyn King 8:12
Absolutely I know many people that have had online parties. I know I've got a girlfriend at the moment that's organizing and online, catch up because like I said Melbourne just been thrown into another lockdown that I know, yesterday was quite hard. And she's organizing something in a couple of weeks. And it's all online. And I think it's a trivia night. We can get people from anyway, and you can still feel connected, you can still have that fun. So it's not even just those conversations, which are also really important to do. But you can have, I know people have had parties online where they've all had to dress up and they just talk to each other online. And they may have their you know their drink next to them. And so it's really thinking about how you can feel those connections. Okay, we can't physically touch someone and be in the same room with them. But we can have a lot of fun. And a lot of, you know, jokes online we did last year from our Auntie's birthday, we all my cousin organized all of us to get on onto one of the platforms. I can't remember what platform it was. And we surprised her and she just saw everyone's faces just pop up for a birthday because we couldn't get together. It was it was so beautiful to see. So it's those little things that we can do that help us feel connected and like I said, it's not just those phone calls you can organize a party online and sing happy birthday and you know and you don't have to leave your house.
Braco Pobric 9:30
Right I share with a bunch of my friends sometimes said one on one and with a friend you have a happy hour right? And you know, advantage of happy hour with the friends. If they do drink a water drinker just put some water in your glass. They don't know you say it's vodka and fun to drive home to you. That's Yeah. So but it's also you know, for some of us some people that they feel like you know, lonely they feel like they cut off To reach out to friends, you have to ask for help to tell them that they struggling, right? This is why we we have this social support. This is why, you know, we are built to live together, we don't build to live alone. That's why people are going through rough time, right? It just really is, you know, I recommend folks just ask for help from your friends from your family for tell them that you're struggling. If you are struggling, it would be like the first step may be to write because some people are going to even more difficult time.
Carolyn King 10:30
Absolutely. And I think it's also okay, to admit that you're struggling. I know, last Thursday, I had a bit of a meltdown myself. And you know, I'm quite an optimistic person. But I was I think everything had just gotten too much. And I sort of, I felt a little bit rundown, and I felt overwhelmed. And but once I told my family, as in my kids and my husband, I felt a lot better. And I've literally bounced back by the end of the day. So it's okay to own that and to admit, hey, I'm struggling today. And not to feel guilty not to put yourself down. But just to say, I'm struggling today. I'm just going to let you know, I need to have a bit of a cry, or I need to have a little bit of a yell or I need to punch a pillow, whatever it is that you need to do. Allow yourself to feel that. And then it seems to just sort of, if you're not finding it then and and I know for me anyway, I bounced back a lot faster when I just say, Hey, you know, today I'm having a good day. I give myself permission to sit on the couch, if that's what I need to do that day. And then I bounced back the next day with no guilt. I think that's the biggest thing is no guilt, no shame in feeling.
Braco Pobric 11:37
This is really important what you said. So no guilt, no shame in a feeling bad because we know, all the feelings are good. There's reason, right for all these feelings. And there is a place in time. Because although you and I cover and teach you like to happiness in positive psychology, that is not we don't tell people be happy all the time. Because nobody is nobody should be. But if you look at the guilt in this case is terrible. Although guilt has a place guilts also has a place. If you do something that's terrible, and you feel a little guilty, it's a good thing, because you're not going to be showing how you feel right now. Exactly. Any feelings that should never ever be guilt about how you feel regardless how you feel. I mean, that's or any emotion that you may have that period. You're absolutely right. But, but so Okay, so people should, you know, look for some, you know, make sure that there is there is that the social support surrounding them during this time, right.
Carolyn King 12:43
What I'd love to say in there as well is we can reach out to our friends a little bit of kindness, you know, every now and then I will just send three or four friends a message and say, Hey, just checking in how you going? And the response I get, and I do it from a heartfelt face. So I don't do it every day, just because it's a task. I don't want to think all right, or I feel I need to reach out to this person. And I did that last week. And I remember one person actually responded. And she said, You will never know how much it meant for you just to reach out and say, Hey, how are you? You know, sending you some love. I'm here if you need to, and we didn't get on on the phone or on a video caught a chat. She just needed to know someone was there, asking her how she is. So that's the flip side of it. And honestly, it helped her feel better. And it was really nice to hear that back. And it makes me feel good. You know that kindness when we do something for somebody else? It's just so lovely to just that helps us feel more connected, doesn't it?
Braco Pobric 13:37
Yes, yes. And then, you know, as you mentioned, the other time, we talked about the kindness, right? How we know there's so much research that helps people does that act of kindness help people receiving and also helps people observing it, right. And I think you know, giving a kindness, even if you just performing act of kindness is equal, even if you just do it for the selfish reason is a great thing to do, because it's helping you. Being kind, it helps you become an increase your overall well be that's for sure. It really does. So, you know, for some of us, Lucky once, right? And unfortunately, this is again, some people go to terrible time and you know, I actually lost my you know, next door neighbor cottages hit and families going to rough diamond. And so I just want to acknowledge that and, you know, be just so grateful for, you know, that we didn't go through it and also really understand and, you know, being passionate to somebody about what's happening to other people, but for some of us lucky ones that that didn't go through that. What else can we do? When there's something that we kind of chatted about what else can we do to to optimistically navigate to COVID
Carolyn King 14:58
One of the things I learned Early on last year, I was really worried that I would waste the time that it would come out of COVID. And think, what have I done. So I thought, let me take advantage of this little extra time that I have. And the extra time came from for me. I wasn't having as many clients, because what I do is predominantly in the clinic, but I do work online. But apart from that, I didn't have to take my kids to school, I didn't have to take them to all their activities, I suddenly had found myself with that little bit more time, I chose to use that time wisely, I took advantage of that time. So that's what I would say to people, I created some products, I did a whole lot of study, because I love to learn, I would say take advantage of the extra time you have. And for some it could be exercising more. And this time around, I've actually started exercising more, I'm always looking at ways to how can I use my time more wisely? Because I'm less tired? Because I'm doing less running around? What can I do? Can I meditate more? can I learn something new? Can I you know, what can I do? What can I create? How about you? But how do you how do you feel about using the time wisely taking advantage of extra time?
Braco Pobric 16:06
I mean, to be honest with you, I did a very similar thing taking advantage. But I wanted to ask you specifically. So a lot of people, a lot of people who were in your position 10 years ago, may actually go the other way be depressed, you had so many reason actually to go back to depression. Think about it. You lost your clients. So you lost a lot of your income. You know, I mean, if that's the reason that's one huge one, right? But then instead of going back to your to click going to downward spiral and feeling bad and thinking, you know, I'm losing income, what am I going to do? You taught of? Let me think about how to take advantage of this time. How did you do that?
Carolyn King 16:56
I think the flip I'm not I'm not gonna lie. The first few weeks, I was lost. I thought, What am I going to do? And then I was having a conversation with somebody online. And I mentioned a product that I wanted to create. And what happened was I thought, oh, I've announced this publicly. Now I need to get my butt into gear and create this product right now. No, it's it's my kinesiology cards. And I believe there will first so I buckled down and I you know, I've got them all done. And when I had that finish, I felt the sense of accomplishment. And I thought, Oh, I feel really good. I've got this product. What else can I do now? What else can I do. And so I looked at some courses, and I created some other things. And I think for me, knowing what it feels like to be depressed. And feeling how I feel. Now I know that I love to finish things, I love to feel accomplished. I love to learn. That's what feeds my soul. For somebody else that may be reading a really good book, it may be learning how to or practicing to run a marathon, whatever it is learning to paint. It's it's something that feeds your soul. And that builds your optimism because it builds your your happy hormones, which builds your your endorphins, and you feel better. And for me, I actually might at least so I've got at least behind my desk, and it's just behind me here of everything I accomplished last year, so that I didn't get to the end of the year and think, what did I do this year. And I think that was my driving force. And I kept adding things to it. I thought, oh, wow, I've done this course. And I've done this course and I've created this and you know, I've learned this and and some of them were overcoming fear. One of my fears was doing Facebook Lives. I thought, I'm going to nail this, I am going to do my I'm going to do so happy, you know, some Facebook Lives. The other one, of course was doing but of course, you know, the positive psychology course I thought, Oh, this looks really good. I can't wait to dive into this. And now here I am. And I have the certification. And you know, so using that time wisely, and it doesn't matter what it is I have clients that do paint by numbers. So again, they come out with something. And I call some of these things, my COVID babies. So then i've you know, so I don't know about you, but were you able to take advantage of the time.
Braco Pobric 19:13
I never exercise this much in this long. I never had longer meditation sessions. I never had an enjoyable time with my wife at six o'clock dinner and afterwards. And I mean, yes, I absolutely did. But I think and I keep thinking of you and consider important at let me make one statement and you tell me if I'm wrong. The reason because let's be honest, some people will struggle even we talked about all this, it will still struggled to do what you and I do. But I think the reason you were able to do it easily because you spent your last 10 years or so really practicing some of these tools and it was easier for you to move on. And this is why I tell people don't wait for hard time in life to hit you. Do this now practice resiliency to practice something so that when something happens, right, you will be able to easily overcome. What is that? Am I right?
Carolyn King 20:14
Yeah, look, I did go through a hard time I hit rock bottom at the end of 2012. So I know what that really dark time is. And I did a lot of work to clear that. A lot of personal development, a lot of personal reflection. And through that, that's, I think that's what really increased my resiliency and my optimism by doing that word, so I know what it feels like to be there. And it's never the wrong time to start working on yourself, it's never the wrong time to start looking at yourself, and how can I make my life that little bit better? And, you know, I'm not saying that I went from depressed to happy overnight, it took a full year of a lot of work. And even in that year, you know, since then, I've continued to work, it hasn't stopped. It wasn't like, Oh, that's it, I'm happy, I'm done. No, no, I've built on that happiness. And that happiness has become so much more part of me, and it's so much stronger and deeper than it was. So it's never alone, I should say, it's always a good time to start. And it's the little things. So even right now you're feeling a bit down, what can you do to make yourself feel a bit better? Do you want to learn how to paint? Do you want to learn to meditate? You know, there's so many programs out there, and you can do this from the safety of your home? Do you want to exercise more? You know, we're not talking about running a marathon, it might be today I want to walk 5000 steps, or whatever it is, or I want to learn how to do a push up. I'll start with one push up today into tomorrow, or whatever it is. But I promise you one little step today, with the next step tomorrow, we'll build up and I know Bradshaw says that I know when you talk You talk a lot about you know, get up and exercise for five minutes. And the next day make it six and it just snowballs, doesn't it?
Braco Pobric 22:01
Yes. You know, when you said that five minutes exercise, it reminded me at one point I did a there was a talk in one of the places where we had like two Buddhists call him with his priests. So they're not monks, I don't even know exact difference. But so what happened is, I was saying, look, if you want to meditate or you know, then you start like five min 10 minutes a day. And I said I'm sure these guys don't have to give it to you anyway. So yeah, they're good time discussing. But yes, yes. just just just start, right. Nike Just do it. Easier said than done buttons that works. And step at a time. That's all it is. Exactly. So how about how about some folks, even after all of this right, still struggle again, you know, we give you give a lot of examples. And you know what to do the same for sales title, some, you know, some don't struggle a lot, they might need a little push a little help, some struggle more. If none of this works, so they try to try it right? Well, let's let's just spend a few minutes to kind of give them some ideas what to do,
Carolyn King 23:18
it's so important to reach out for help. And, you know, depending on where you are, maybe a coach can help. But otherwise, it may be a counselor or psychologist or therapist, it is okay to reach out for help. In fact, I highly recommend that if you are struggling, you reach out for real help. Because reaching out today means that you'll start to feel better sooner if you hold on. And I know with myself, because I didn't reach out for help. Soon enough, I started to spiral. And that's what can happen. So right now, the session today with a counselor or a therapist or professional of some sort, will help you more than waiting, you know, six weeks or a month. So And not only that, I have to say I'm not sure about you in the US. But I know in Australia, it can take quite a bit of time to book into some therapists. So some counselors, some psychiatrists, it's something you know, it takes a long time to get into see them. So making a decision today to reach out and book an appointment is really important and finding someone you resonate with that you think they could help me and if they can't please find somebody else. And not only that, don't give up after one session.
Braco Pobric 24:32
Yes, I mean, you know, if we talk therapy, that's it's a long you know, longer term and people have to be ready. If we talk about some folks who you know, just kind of struggle to do daily work to they're not as productive. They just not as productive at work regardless if it's their own business and or they work for someone and they just need a little push, then finding a good and right coach is a really great thing to do. You know, we all have, you know, all my good colleagues coaches have their own coach, I have a coach. I mean, we can't coach ourselves. We just can't just like therapists cannot be therapists to himself or herself. And and another advice. We were just discussing some points today that don't ask your brother or sister cousin to be your coach. I mean, certainly not therapists, but it just doesn't work that way. Right? Just because you take your save some money. No, you need to be professional. Right? Somebody who?
Cool. So So let's see. So what did we cover? So we said a couple of things, right? The social support is really, really important. And we know how to how to build it, there are so many different ways to really try and do your best to take advantage of this, like down you're staying home. A lot we all are. And we should really take advantage and do improve our life. This is the time it for some of us lucky ones, right? We still here. He's still here on this beautiful planet, right? This is the time to get our shift in order right to get our life really on the right track. Right. I mean, I used this last year and a half or so to just debt is really in a lot of different ways. So that's why Yes, so that's that and what else we said get out.
Carolyn King 26:34
Yeah, geologist, I do work with different range of different emotions as well. And I think that was the other thing, you know, through COVID, I learned how to work online, which was great. So that was the other advantage for me is how much I could work online now. And so you can reach out, reach out to a professional reach out to somebody that is not your family. I don't know about you, but that's all but I don't always listen to the advice from my husband. It's funny, we have this running joke that he'll tell me to do something and I go, No, no, no. And then I'll talk to my coach. Yeah, and I'll say blah, blah, blah. And your guy. I told you to do that. I'm gonna Yeah, I know. But I didn't. I didn't. I didn't want to hear from you what the
Braco Pobric 27:12
difference that came from you is k for my coach. So yes, I reach out for professional help at whatever level you need. Absolutely. Carolyn, thank you so much. This was really great discussion. You mentioned kinesiology. I really want to talk to you next time more about Kinesiology and what you do because that's one area I really know nothing about. Thank you. It was lovely to chat to you. My friend. I'll talk to you soon to become the life Success Academy founding member go to Academy of life success.com and click on founding member to get 60% of full membership.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai