I Coined the Term "Circle Habits". Do You Have Any?

habits Sep 06, 2022
 

TYPES OF HABITS

When we think of habits, we usually think of something that we do (driving, running, brushing our teeth). These are physical habits. There are also emotional and thinking habits. To that list, I will add what I call circle habits.

Before you make a commitment to change your existing habits and implement new ones, let’s go over each type in little more detail.

Physical habits

Thanks to a very complicated and intelligent brain mechanism, we all have a number of physical habits. Most of them we never even think about, such as driving a car. Once we’ve learned how to drive, we never forget how to, and the more we drive the better we become. We listen to music, talk to our passengers, all while paying attention to the road, street signs, and other cars. We perform many actions, some involuntarily, all simultaneously—and many become habits.

Another example of a physical habit is exercise. Once exercise becomes a habit it can also enter into autopilot mode. Your unconscious brain will also try to activate such routines even when your conscious brain is not thinking about it.

Emotional habits

There are many emotional habits that we don’t necessarily think of as habits. We just think of them as emotions and nothing more. However, habits are influenced greatly by our emotional state. Being happy, sad, angry or upset could all be routines that you create unknowingly.

Just like any other habits, there are emotional states that serve us well and others that don’t. Feeling happy while spending time with your closest family members, being excited for the success of your partner, friends or children, feeling gratefulness for the life you have, etc.— these habits serve us well.

We also have emotional habits such as anger, envy, sadness, jealousy, etc. which are not as good for us. The key is to identify these habits in specific situations and see what we can do to change them.

Every night, I read between 8 PM and 9 PM. This is a plan I have created (in place of watching television) that serves me well. Recently, however, I was puzzled as to why I sometimes became agitated, distracted, and unable to sleep, and why my reaction to normal communication with my wife changed.

One night, after thinking about my change in mood (usually between the hours 8 PM and 9 PM), I realized my disharmony occurred only after unexpected circumstances needed my attention, and therefore my reading time was compromised or missed altogether.

An hour of reading is enjoyable. So naturally, only reading for 15 minutes is less so. Having no reading time at all triggered a negative change  of mood and was leading me to become angry. Thankfully I’ve developed an understanding and awareness of this, and have subsequently changed my habitual behavior.

As soon as I notice that my reading time will be compromised or missed, I concisely focus on the benefits and importance of the task I am working on instead. That focus gives me the satisfaction of completing an important task rather than anger for not reading.

Now that I’m aware of the relationship between my habits and emotional state, I can watch and manage each accordingly. I tell myself these emotions are normal, yet such negative emotions and anger can make me feel unwell, and it’s also not fair to my wife. She doesn’t deserve to deal with my negative mood, and the only reason I get upset is that I’ve created a habit of getting upset in this situation.

I now know why my negative mood is sometimes triggered during my scheduled reading time. I reason with myself by understanding that these interruptions are rare and that most of the time I do get at least one hour of scheduled reading. I also take the time to be grateful that I am able to complete an unexpected but important task even though it may have interrupted my scheduled reading time.

TIME IN

Think for a moment about the emotional habits you may have. Think of a time you’ve been happy, sad, or upset. What triggered it? What goes through your mind during such times? What do you usually feel and do? What would you rather do?

Thinking habits

Thinking habits are extremely important, as everything that you do consciously starts with a thought. Your thinking defines not only your emotions but also your actions, and of course, your emotions drive your actions too.

If you think and believe that you can do something, and find a great reason to do it, you will find a way.

We see many people who are happy and enthusiastic in the morning, and we also see many people who are miserable. It’s up to you to decide which category you want to be in. You are the only one who can make that choice.

You need to be thinking about your thinking. This is known as meta cognition and going through this process can help you greatly.

I have a friend named Greg. Greg used to get very depressed, but he learned to start thinking about what caused his depression and, more importantly, the behavior that follows.

He realized that by breaking thought with action, he could make a huge difference. Any time he started to get depressed, he would run on the treadmill or do some other kind of physical activity. That would cut the established thinking habit out and allow for the creation of a new habit.

Once he followed that routine regularly, he went into positive autopilot to steer clear of any negative thoughts. In thinking about his thinking, he was able to change his habits through his behavior.

However, thinking alone will not make a difference. Greg acted on his thoughts and broke his bad thinking habit.

We all have our fair share of negative thoughts. The question isn’t whether you have them, but what you do with them and how you act as a result.

Remain aware of negative thoughts, and watch your behavior during and shortly after having such thoughts. Once you start noticing and becoming aware of your negative thought patterns, you can set about changing your thoughts, and subsequently, alter your behavior. Eventually, this process will become easier, and you will be able to minimize your negative thoughts.

 

TIME IN

What goes through your mind when you feel that you have failed to achieve one of your goals? How about when you succeed? Do you trust that you can do anything if you put your mind to it? Why? Why not?

Circle habits

We’ve all made promises to ourselves to change bad old habits and introduce good new ones. Maybe you’ve wanted to quit smoking or begin exercising. Maybe you’ve wanted to spend less time in the office and more time with your family. Whatever the case may be, it’s not always difficult to start. Going one day without a cigarette, or spending 20 minutes on a single day exercising is the easy part. The difficulty is finding a way to keep going amid adversity.

An easy way to explain this is to tell a personal story. About ten years ago, I was lucky enough to work for a company that had a fitness center on the premises. It was a great opportunity. For months, I went to the gym five days a week. I felt great and thought: nothing can stop me now.

But change is inevitable. Five years ago, I accepted an excellent leadership position with another company. The rewarding new job was also demanding. It was often essential that I get to the office early and stay late. On top of that, this new job was further from my home. I sometimes spent four hours getting to and from work on days with bad traffic.

For two years,  I  kept telling myself  that I would get back to my exercise routine. And the longer I kept saying I would do it without actually doing it, the more frustrated I became. It drove me crazy. I finally realized I had two options: either begin exercising or put the idea out of my head and reevaluate at a later point. I decided on the latter and told myself to come back to it in six weeks' time.

By doing that, I closed one of my Circle Habits. Circle Habits are promises we make to ourselves but cannot keep. They are broken habits. They are ideas we want to put in place, but, for whatever reason, have difficulty sustaining. They are circular because we keep coming back to them at the beginning. We run them through our heads repeatedly, as if on a closed circuit, but cannot actually get them into place. Or, if we can get them into place, we have a hard time sustaining them. In my case, thinking about exercise had become my habit, instead of actual exercise.

The point is that you don’t have to close a Circle Habit by beginning a new routine immediately. It’s perfectly acceptable to close it by putting the idea for your new habit away for a while. If you cannot find time to exercise today, don’t torture yourself over it. Set it aside for a set period of time—a week, maybe, or a month—and come back to it later. That is one way to close a habit loop.

This isn’t an absolute solution. It would be easy to say you have no time to work on any habits and to always put them aside for later. So be careful to only bracket ideas that you really cannot prioritize. Don’t put off improving your habits unless you will come back to them at a fixed point.

It worked for me.  Six weeks after making a promise to myself to reevaluate my exercise routine, I found that I was comfortable enough at my new job to afford myself some additional time at the gym. By then, I had begun exercising a few days a week again, which was just the amount of time I needed.

TIME IN

Identify a habit you want to put into place. What’s holding you back? Is it something you can work around today? If not, bracket the idea for later. Close the Circle Habit by coming back to it when you have more time or energy. Put it out of your mind entirely and don’t let it get you down. In the meantime, do what you can to improve other habits. But don’t forget to come back to your old idea.

Braco Pobric is an Internationally Recognized Positive Psychology Expert and Corporate Trainer. He is the bestselling author of Habits and Happiness: How to Become Happier and Improve Your Wellbeing by Changing Your Habits. Braco is a founding member and Chief Happiness Officer of the Life Success Academy Certified Positive Psychology Master Trainer and former globally Certified Trainer and Business Coach for Dale Carnegie Training. He trained over 60,000 Students in 172 countries. 

 

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